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Post by Thursday on May 8, 2006 21:36:41 GMT -5
"Uh, oh," Quinn said as we pulled inot his driveway. "You could say that again." "Think he knows about us playing hookie?" he asked as we got out. "Probably. I'd better get over there." On a whim I suddenly stood up on my tip- toes and gave Quinn a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Quinn. For everything." Quinn reddened slightly and smiled. "Anytime Hope." I waved goodbye and started across the street.
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Post by Thursday on May 8, 2006 21:59:16 GMT -5
I walked across the warm pavement, my heart beating faster and louder it seemer the closer I got to my dad. 10 feet, 9...6, 5... suddenly I was right in front of him. "Hope Samatha Sterling," he simply said. His voice was harsh. "Let's go inside."
I followed his inside where he sat down in the chair. The dad chair I'd always called it. I sat of the sofa, nervously wringing my hands. "Do you want to tell me why you were not in school today?" "I-" "I don't even want to hear it! You skipped school to go off with that boy! You could have been passed out in the bottom of a ditch and I wouldn't known!" He yelled. "Dad, I'm sorry-" "Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it! I thought you were through with this kind of stuff!I thought we walked about it!" He continued to go off on a rant for several minutes until I quietly interrupted. "Do you know what day it is?" I asked quietly. He stopped pacing the floor and looked at me. "It's Monday, Hope!"
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Post by Thursday on May 8, 2006 22:12:38 GMT -5
"That's not what I mean. It's Febuary 22." "So?" "So! It's the day she died Dad!" I screamed at him. He sat down heavily on the loveseat. "I can't believe I forgot." "It's okay, Dad." "No it's not. Where did you and that boy boy go?" "His name is Quinn and you know it." "Fine. Quinn. Where did you go?" "We went to the cemetary and Heartland State Park. I wish I had asked you." "Why didn't you?" "I was afraid." "Of what?" "You understand better than anyone Dad. You were there. You make me remember more." "We have to remember, Hope. That's life. It isn't always easy.'' "I know that but it's just...It's knid of nice being with someone who doesn't know all the sorid little details." He sighed and came and sat beside me and put his arms around me. I leaned back into his embrace, smelling the aftershave he aslways used and the cigarette he'd deny he ever smoked. "I'm sorry I haven't been around to talk to, Hope." " IT's okay." "It's just hard for me too, you know." "Yeah, I do." We sat there like that for a while. Him stroking my hair and me just remebering. He pulled away and put both hands on my shoulders. "Now, you're not going to play hookie again are you?" I rolled my eyes. "No, Dad. I'm not." "Okay then. Go do some homework." I started walking upstairs but he stopped me. "About you and this boy..." "We're just friends!" Or at least I think.
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Post by Thursday on May 11, 2006 18:03:06 GMT -5
The next day I decided it was time to tell Macy about my past. She was really understanding and thank goodness I was able to control myself and didn't burst into tears. Maybe talking about it was helping me? Macy's only comment was something along the lines of," God Hope! You didn't think I would understand? And I thought you were smart!" And then we went shopping. Macy was a firm believer in retail therapy.
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Post by Thursday on May 11, 2006 18:17:59 GMT -5
When I got home now with a new bathing suit, several tee-shirts and tank tops, and one really awesome pair of jeans, I sat down on my balcony exhausted. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?" "Hey." It was Quinn. "Hey yourself." "I hear you shared your dirty little secret." "Yes. I did." "Feel better?" "Much. Shopping does that." Quinn let out a snort of disgust. "Girls." "Hey!" I said laughing. "Macy's going out of town next week." "What?! She's going to miss the dance!" "I know." "SHe's going to leave me all alone!" "Well..um.." "WHat?" "We could go together. As friends of course." I nearly dropped the phone. Me and Quinn at a dance together! And not just any dance a formal! "That would be great." I said cool as a cumumber. "You're a life saver!" "No problem." We talked for a few more minutes about school and whatnot and we said our goodbyes. I stayed outside and stared off into the horizon. My relationship with Quinn seemed to be getting more complicated every day. Did I even want to be more than friends? And more importantly what about a dress!
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Post by Thursday on May 12, 2006 21:37:32 GMT -5
Soon after I hung up with Quinn my cell phone rang again. "Hello?" "Hey it's Macy." "Hey. What's up?" "We need to talk." "I just saw you ten minutes ago!" "I know. I know. Just meet me for breakfast at the Waffle House tommrow morning." I started to ask what was so urgent but she hung up on me. Was everyone going crazy? Or just me?
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Post by Thursday on May 12, 2006 21:52:01 GMT -5
The next morning I sat nervously at the sticky table in the local Waffle House. I was already getting glaring looks from the waitresses everytime they asked if I was ready to order something and said no. What could Macy possibly have to tell me that was so important and that she couldn't tell me over the phone? I was pouring creamer into my coffee as Macy finally walked in looking flustered. "HEy," I said as she sat down. "Hi." "What's wrong?" She put down the menu she had been peering at intently and turned her focus on me. " Okay. Here's the thing Hope. Do you like my brother?" I nearly spit out the sip of coffee in my mouth. "What?!" "Seriously Hope. It's okay if you do." "I um.." How had it come to this? "Just tell how you feel Hope. I won't tell him." "I just don't know. He's my friend and he's been there for me alot this year." "You didn't answer the question Hope." She said smiling. "Look, I don't mean to put you on the spot. But you two are going to a formal dance together and a lot of people might consider that like... a date. Like you're a couple." "But we're not! We're just going as friends!" "C'mon. Hope. I've seen the way you guys flirt with each other and hug and stuff. I saw you kis him on the cheek that day with your dad." "Yeah! on the cheek!" "Same thing." "I really just don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to date again yet. And Quinn is one of my best friends. I hate to ruin that with a relationship that might only last a few weeks." "I understand." We both ordered and got back to talking about normal stuff. School and of course what I was going to wear to the dance. All these questions about me and Quinn. I was just so confused. I always thought it would be easy to love someone. Like the way my dad loved my mom. But all these feeling I have for Quinn... I don't know what they are. Yet.
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Post by Thursday on May 14, 2006 0:04:53 GMT -5
After my breakfast with Macy I needed to be alone. I drove home and changed into some work out clothes. A run was just what I needed to clear my head. I turned on my I-pod and was soon lost in a different world. I ran, not knowing where. Just following the road beneath my feet. I ran not thinking about anything. Just breathing and running. Thats what running helped my do. Distracted me. Made me forget. Temporarily of course. It was the highest high. For me at least. After about an hour I came upon a small park and sat down on a stone bench. Sweat dripped down my forehead. But it felt good to stretch my legs. I leaned back and stared at the beautiful early afternoon light. Some kids were playing on the playground, their parents ever watchful on the sidelines. It made me smile and remember the day at the Dairy Queen with Quinn. I could still feel the way he felt so close to me. His hand on my waist and mouth moving towards mine. What might have happened if we hadn't been interrupted I wondered. What would have changed? All I remember was my heart beating like crazy and that feeling of wanting. I had wanted Quinn then. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and kiss me. But I had pushed all those feeling out of my head because I didn't want to feel that. I was afraid. I was afraid if I let him get that close to me he would just be taken away. The way my mother had. I knew it was a stupid silly fear. But it was a fear all the same. He was so good to me. He helped me talk to my dad and face the truth. Helped me realize life could go on and I loved him for that. But he was a friend first and foremost and I was never one to compromise that. I cared too much. I sighed and pulled my cell phone from my pocket. I had a call to make.
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Post by Thursday on May 15, 2006 22:13:03 GMT -5
After I hung up I reflected on the tragic phone call. Quinn had answered on the first ring and I told him I couldn't go to the dance with him. He said it was okay. That it was fine but I could hear the disappointment in his voice.We didn't talk long and soon I was back staring at the playground.
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Post by Thursday on May 19, 2006 6:57:47 GMT -5
As the sun sank lower in the sky I stood up and started to head home. This time I walked, mulling things over in my head. I was about halfway down the road when a familiar looking Nissan Altima pulled up beside me.
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Post by Thursday on May 19, 2006 7:03:59 GMT -5
"Hey, Kiddo," the driver said as he rolled down the window. It was my dad. "Hi." "What's wrong?" he asked with a frown. "Nothing. Just... A really hard run that's all." He looked sketpical but didn't question me further. "How about we go out to eat tonight. Just me and you." "Can I go home and change?" I asked looking down at my sweaty track pants and black sweatshirt. He laughed. "Of course. You head on home. I've got some errands to run. I"ll pick you up in about an hour." "Okay," I agreed and then he drove off and I continued home.
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Post by Thursday on May 21, 2006 14:03:57 GMT -5
At home I took a quick shower and blow dried my hair. I changed into some jeans and a yellow blouse. I grabbed my cell phone and headed downstairs to wait for my dad.
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Post by Thursday on May 22, 2006 0:47:35 GMT -5
I watched the clock as the minutes slowly ticked by. What was taking him? Finally I heard the familiar hum of the garage door opener. I stood up as my dad rushing in looking flustered. "Hey," he said." Are you ready?" "I was ready half an hour ago." He winced. "I'm sorry about that. I had to... run some errands. Let's go." I followed him to the car, confused about his odd behavior and he was wearing a suit. My dad never wears suits unless it's for a good reason. Mom had told me unlessly how she had to beg him to wear a tux for their wedding. Something was up. Big time. We drove in silence. The sound was deafening. Finally I turned on the radio, tuning in to some pop station. "So, where are we going?" I asked finally. "Well, I thought we'd try something new. A friend of mine owns a restaurant and she's been begging me to try it out." "She?" "Yes, she." "How do you know her?" "We have a mutual friend." I didn't question further even though I wanted to. THe next half hour to the restaurant was filled with the latest teen pop star wailing over her first heartbrake. We finally arrived at the restaurant. A small italian place. Small but obviously very popular. Every parking spot was filled. We drove around for a while, waiting for an opening. Finally a red sports car drove off giving us a premium spot right next to the door. we headed inside and were immeadiately ushered to a a round booth. I was peering at the menu when I noticed my dad was looking at me intently. "What?" I asked. "Nothing. I just have something to tell you. I -" He was cut off by the arrival of a tall pretty brunette woman. "Hi Robert!" she said to my dad. "Elise! Hello!" He stood up to give her a hug while I waited somewhat impatiently for an explaination. "Oh, course!" My dad finally said. "Hope, this is Elise Thomas. She owns this restaurant." "IT's great to finally meet you Hope. I've heard so much about you!" she gushed. Too much I couldn't return the feeling. "Have you told her yet?" My dad squirmed and rubbed his neck. "No. Not yet." What was going on? "Tell me what?" I asked. "Hope. Elise and I are dating." "WHAT!" The menu in my slipped down onto the floor and I felt like my breath had been knocked out. Dating? They were dating? It was true. Elise slid into the booth beside my dad and they both proceded to tell me how they'd met. All through dinner I fumed as they sat across from me talking about people and places I didn't know. I ate my dinner in stony silence as they shared a plate of spaghetti, laughing and talking as if I was invisible. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and excused myself to go the the bathroom. I stomped across the restaurant and banged open the door to the bathromm where I headed straight to the sink and splashed some cold water on my face, trying to calm down. Dating! He was dating her and hadn't said a word. How could he do this? How could he forget? I slumped across the pink wall and sank to the floor. The pink bathroom sported pictures of old italian women and a framed bra. The room was mercfully empty. I felt angry tears slide down my cheeks. It felt like my whole world was spinning out of control and the one person I knew I could talk to...well... It was a safe bet he didn't want to talk to me.
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Post by Thursday on May 22, 2006 20:51:24 GMT -5
"You're an idiot, you know that right?" Anna said later that night. Madison and I were at her house for a sleepover and reluctantly I'd spilled the story about Quinn. Anna was the romantic. "We weren't a couple or anything. We were just going as friends." "So? Something could have happened. Come on. It's the Spring Formal! A hop, skip, and a jump away from prom!" Anna countered. "We're just friends." "But I can tell you want more," Madison said, joining the conversation. "I might want more... but I just can't." I said quietly staring into space. "Dad's dating someone." "What!?" They both exclaimed. "It's true. I met her tonight." After I had come back to the table I'd found my dad alone. Elise, I was told had to get back to work. Gee, I was going to miss her so much. My dad and I had driven home in silence. Not that he noticed. Since the moment he'd introduced us a goofy grin was plastered across his face. As much as I had wanted to chew him out, I couldn't. It had been months since I'd seen him so happy. "That's great!" Madison replied. "I guess," I said. "What? You don't like her?" "No she's fine... It's just complicated." "How?" "It's like he's replacing her." It sounded so horrible and cliche in my ears. "Oh my god Hope. It's been over a year. He needs to move on and so do you!" "I have!" "Have you Hope? You had a perfect chance with Quinn but you blew it!" Anna screamed. Madison had gotten on the computer. She was always neutral avoiding mine and Anna's arguments like the plague. "Just don't Anna. You don't know anything about that." "Because you won't tell me!" I sighed and rolled over on my back. I knew this was coming. "I just..." "Just what Hope?" "I just wish things could go back to normal." Anna scoffed. "What's normal anyway?" As we fell asleep that night I pondered this. What was normal? Why had I strayed from it? I drifted off to sleep as some chick flick played in the backround. My last conscience thought was of Quinn. His mouth moving towards mine in that single moment. A simple kiss. Yet it could have changed everything.
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Post by Thursday on May 23, 2006 21:16:29 GMT -5
The next morning Madison's mom drove us home. As we turned onto my street my eyes were immediately drawn to a large poster board sign taped to a stop sign. I looked away barely glancing at it, thinking it was just a lost dog or garage sale sign. "Look at that," Madison said staring at it. "What?" I asked turning back to face the street. This sign was not a garage sale sign. It read, No matter what you say, I think you're beautiful and I love you.
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