Finding Hope

[Thursday]

I don't know how long I stayed there in his arms but it felt good. Finally I pulled away and wiped my tears away with the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry." I said.
"Don't be."
"You come over here to talk and I just..."
"It's okay, Hope."
"What did you want to talk about anyway?"
He looked flustered for a moment and then said," Oh, it was nothing... ."
"you sure?"
"Yeah, do you need to talk more?"
"That's sweet of you but I'm fine." But I wasn't.
Quinn looked like he didn't believe me.
"How 'bout going to the movies?" he asked.
I was shocked. Was he asking me out?
"Sure, can you give me a couple minutes to clean up?" I asked looking down at my dishevled hair and I could only imagine what my tear-stained face looked like.
"That's fine I'll meet you outside in 10 minutes."
As I watched Quinn leave I couldn't help but feel he wasn't telling me something. But i wasn't worried about it. Now that he knew my secret I felt... free. I hurriedly changed into my favorite pair of jeans and a soft comfy sweatshirt and ran a brush through my hair.
Outside, Quinn was waiting in his car. I hopped in and we took off.

[Thursday]

We went to the alterative movie theater called Classic Cinemas. They played only old, classic movies. Casablanca was showing. Absolutely perfect.
I started to pull out my wallet for my ticket but Quinn stopped me.
"Don't worry, I got it."
I was shocked for what? The third time that night?
"Okay," I said reluctantly," But I'll get the snacks. Any requests?"
He grinned.
"Dr. Pepper and a Snickers."
"Got it. I'll meet you inside."

[Thursday]

As I stood waiting in the snack line I was thinking about how nice Quinn was being to me. I still felt raw and exposed in front of him now that he knew my ugly past. The thing he wanted to talk about kept nagging me. Something in the back of my mind told me something was up, but I didn't know what. Something about the way he had looked at me and held me. I shook it off and stepped up to the cashier.

[Thursday]

I spotted Quinn by the games and headed over.
"Your Dr. Pepper and Snickers," I said as I presented him with the snacks and held onto my own gummi worms and coke.
"Thanks. Should we find a seat?"
"Yeah, let's go."
We walked into the theater which was mostly empty and picked a pair of seats on the top row.

[Thursday]

It was about half-way through the movie when my phone vibrated in my pocket making me jump. In the dark the name Macy lite up bright enough for Quinn to see. He rolled his eyes.
"I won't answer it," I whispered.
He nodded and then my cell phone went off again.
"I'd better take it." I said standing up."I'll go outside."
Quinn stood up to let me through and I brushed up against him as I made my way to the aisle. Thankful for the dark to hide my flaming cheeks, I headed out to the lobby to answer my phone.

[Thursday]

"Hello?" I asked.
"OH MY GOD!" screamed Macy.
Her voice was so loud I held my cell phone about a foot from my ear.
"What?" I asked in a confused voice.
"You and my brother! I knew you two had something going on!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I saw you and Quinn hugging on your balcony!"
"Oh. That wasn't... He was just..."
"Save it. I know you like him."
"No.. no it wasn't like that I was just having a bad day and I started crying and he was just.. there you know..."
"Okay...I'll believe you for now. Where are you anyway?"
"Classic Cinemas with Quinn."
"YOU'RE ON A DATE WITH HIM!"
"No... WE're just friends! Just friends! I got to get back to the movie I'll talk to you later."
"Bye, Hope. I'm not through with you yet."
"Bye!"
I hung up and walked back to the theater, my cheeks once again flaming from Macy's accustation.

[Thursday]

After the movie Quinn drove us home and the silence was filled with small talk. Macy's phone call kept ringing in my head so I was more than a little distracted. When we arrived at our destination Quinn parked in his driveway and when I started to head towards my house Quinn stopped me and said he'd walk me home.
We got to my door and I turned towards Quinn.
"Thank you Quinn. For everything."
"Anytime Hope. You can talk to me whenever you need to."
"Thanks. Thay means alot to me. You promise you won't tell Macy?"
He smiled and shook his head.
"No, it's not for me to tell. But you shouldn't keep hiding it for long."
I sighed and sat down on the old wooden swing in the corner of the porch. Quinn sat down beside me.
"I know. But sometimes it's just nice to be around someone who doesn't know about it."
"Really? Why?"
"I don't know. My friends Anna and Madison and I guess you now too are the only people outside family who really know the truth and with everyone else it just feels like... I can't be myself. I'm always just that girl whose mom died. They forget I had a normal life once."
"What's normal anyway?" asked Quinn with a grin.
I smiled back at him and shrugged my shoulders.
"Are things going to be weird between us now?" I asked looking into his eyes. He held my gaze for a moment and then looked away. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.
"Of course not. I just understand you a little better," he finally said staring at his shoes.
"Yeah," I said looking down too."I'd better get in."
"Yeah. I'll see you later Hope ?"
"Sure."
and with that he started across the street to his house and I was left staring after him, wondering.

[Thursday]

I walked inside and headed straight to my bathroom where I pulled off my clothes and jumped into a nice, hot bath. I poured about half a bottle of bubble bath into the water and was soon up to my ears in bubbles. As I sat there in the hot water I reflected over the events of the day. Quinn. He was so kind to me, but I couldn't help shake the feeling he was hiding something from me. Everytime I thought of him the feeling of his arms wrapped around me came back to me and I felt tingles all over my body. I groaned. I could not be falling for him. I just couldn't. The conversation with Macy had cemented that. Me and Quinn dating? It was just too... something. I climbed out and pulled on my blue bathrobe and as I walked into my room I catch sight of my calendar. The date February 22 popped into my sight. It was colored in with a black magic marker. It was next week. It was the anniversary of her death.

[Thursday]

The next week I stood in front of my house, car keys in hand trying to decide what to do. Quinn and Macy had already driven by and asked if I needeed a ride. I said no, I was driving myself. Macy had shrugged her shoulders but Quinn had given me a very strange look.
I took a deep breath and headed to my car. But I was not going to school.

[Thursday]

I drove until I saw the sign I was looking for. The bright neon green sign of the florist. I parked and headed in. The old woman at the register immeaditately gave me a glaring look. Probably because I was supposed to be in school.
"Hi honey. What can I get you?" she asked in a raspy voice.
"Do you carry pink tulips or Casablanca lilies?"
"Why yes. We have both."
"Can I get a dozen of each?"
"Sure I'll be right out." she walked to door in the back room and I sighed with relief. Until i heard a deep voice behind me say," Playing hookie, are we?"
I jumped and spun around only to find Quinn grinning playfully at me.
"Good God Quinn! Give me a heart attack why don't you?"
"Sorry," he said laughing.
"How did you find me?" I asked my heart pounding.
"Well, I kind of figured from the look on your face you weren't coming to school. And when you didn't show up for first period, Macy texted me and I also ditched school to come find you."
"Why?" I asked in a confused voice.
"I could tell something was up. What's going on Hope?" he asked stepping closer to me.
I was just about to say something when in burst the little old lady with my flowers.
"Here you ar-" she started to say.
"Oh, can I help you with something young man?" she asked.
"Oh, no. I'm with her," he said putting his arm around my shoulders. I don't know what shocked me more. What he said or his arm around my shoulders.
"Oh. Well you here are. That'll be $32.49" she said handing me the flowers. I pulled out my wallet and threw two twenties on the counter.
"Keep the change." I said shrugging out of Quinn's touch. As I glanced at him it seemed like he was a litle hurt but he followed me out of the shop.
"What are you up to?" he asked staring at the flowers.
"I..um.. I have somewhere I have to be."
"Great. I'll ride along."
" But.. what about school and your car?" I asked staring at him with I'm sure a baffled look on my face.
"I can pick my car up later and besides I think I deserve a day off of school." Quinn stated with a smile.
"Fine," I said. I wasn't really prepared for company but the look on Quinn;s face was so earnest, I couldn't say no.

[Thursday]

"So are you going to tell me where we're going?" asked Quinn as we started down the interstate.
"No," I said icily back to him.
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"
"I'm just not having a good day! Don't mess with me!"
He held up his hands in mock surrender and then fell silent. The closer we came to our destination the faster my heart started to pound.

[Thursday]

I turned onto the old country road that lead to my destination and pulled up the old iron gates of Morgan Cemetary. The place where my mom was buried. I parked the car and just sat there in silence for several moments.
"Hope," said Quinn softly.
"Don't," I said back. I grabbed the flowers and hopped out of the car hoping he wouldn't follow me. I headed down the small path, past the ancient tombstones that towered over my head and the more modern flat ones until I came to the knee high angel that marked my mother's grave. I turned around once and saw that Quinn had followed me but he stood waiting a little ways outside the enclosture.
I gently unwrapped the flowers from the layers of tissue paper and plastic and removed the dead flowers from the small vase at the base of the angel. I put the fresh flowers in the vase and fell back on my heels as I read the familiar epitaph I'd seen so often in my dreams.

"Here lies Melissa Sterling. Beloved wife, mother and friend.
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all"-Emily Dickinson

[Thursday]

I stood up but my legs were weak and shaky. I would have fallen if Quinn had not suddenly appeared at my side and wrapped his arm around my waist and lead me to the small stone bench by the angel.
I took a deep breath.
"It's the anniversary of her death," I explained.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Does it really matter?"
"Yes, it does. I would have come with you if you had asked me. You shouldn't have to do this alone."
His arm I noticed was still around my waist.

[Thursday]

"I haven't been back here since that day," I said looking around."Is that a bad thing?"
Quinn dropped his arm from my waist and took my hand.
"No, it's not." he said firmly.
I looked down at his hand intertwined in mine.
"Thank you for coming here with me Quinn."
"Hope, I know I still don't know you all that well, but I'm your friend, I'd do anything for you."
I smiled sadly at him.
"Everything just keeps feeling out of control. I thought I was better... I thought I'd gotten over this..."
"You never forget a loved one you lost. I would know."
I turned towards him in surprise.
"How?"
"Hope, Macy and I are adopted."
"What?"
"Yes, it's true. Our birth parents were killed in a car crash when we were 8 years old and since we didn't have any other family we were sent to a foster home with Mom and Dad."
"Oh my God. Why didn't you ever tell me?"
He smiled at me.
"The same reasons you didn't tell me about your mom at first."
I pulled my hand hand out of his only to throw my arms around his neck in a hug. All this time Quinn could really relate to me. He understood. I let go of him quickly and stood and cleared my throat. Quinn stood also and ran a hand through his hair. Awkward.

[Thursday]

"Um...yeah... Could you give me a moment alone?"
"Sure," he said and started to leave.
"Wait," I said calling him back. I pulled my keys from my back pocket and handed them to him.
"Could you drive?"
He smiled and nodded and walked back to the car.