Exercise #2 (HOC)

[Monday]

OK, so here's the deal. Lately, with Heart of Chaos, I've been trying a different method of writing. Actually, I got the idea from Stephenie Meyer. When she wrote Twilight, she started from chapter 13, wrote out the rest of the book, and then went back and filled in the beginning. Well one night, I decided that I wanted to write a particular scene of HOC, so I did. That kind of exploded into three scenes, each completely separate parts of the story, that I have saved on Microsoft Word. But lately, I'm afraid my computer is knocking on death's door... I had originally just intended to e-mail all of the parts to myself, but as I keep adding more to them on Microsoft Word, it seems pointless to re-send them to myself. So I decided it would best to just keep up with them on the Message Board! lol
So, if you want to read them, you're welcome too, but that's not really what they're intended for. It's more like a safe place to keep my stories. lol. Besides, I'm fairly sure you wouldn't understand the context, even if you did read it.

[Monday]

I was surrounded by mass chaos on all sides. People running, screaming in terror. Their lives were in grave danger. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was aware of the fact that I was no different then they were. I was in the same kind of danger. I think it was harder, more terrifying, that we weren’t running from a normal enemy, but from a kind we wouldn’t expect. One we thought we could trust, before it betrayed us. These people were once our countrymen and they now hunted us down like dogs.
Despite all of this, the only thing that kept me running with the rest of the cattle were my instincts. Though it had been weeks, months maybe (it had been hard to keep up with the time) I found it hard to think of anything else but the overwhelming sense of being alone. Just me, in this whole entire world, which had suddenly turned into the unknown in the blink of an eye. But still I was moving, even against the extraordinary odds. You don’t have to be faster then the bear… I thought ruefully.
The poor thing was so small; I never would have seen her had I not been looking around with some kind of morbid curiosity. For some reason I wanted to see my surroundings before I perished. But when I saw that beautiful little girl there, all alone, unprotected from the horror that was fast approaching, my mind sort of did a flip-flop. Hundreds of people rushed past her without a second glance, but I knew within a moment that I had to save her. This perfect, innocent little angel, who was probably just as alone in this world as I was.
For some odd reason, she reminded me distinctly of my neighbors’ child, though this girl looked about the same age, she had curly brown hair instead of the streak of blonde that Robert and his wife’s daughter had. Maybe it was the fact that I had desperately hoped that their baby was alright, living in peace somewhere (though any sort of peace seemed impossible at this point). I had to save this child, this infant, from the fate that would await her if I did nothing at all. Anything this stunning should never be put in harms way.
Without a moment’s hesitation, I swiftly changed my course of direction and swept her up into my arms, not even breaking stride. The little girl, who barely looked over one year of age, didn’t cry like I half-expected her too. She just clung to me as if she had known all along that I would be the one to save her.
Though my burden was now twenty pounds heavier, my speed only increased. I had to save this life that had now been placed in my hands. I knew, without a doubt, that I was doing the right thing. No one would have left this girl alone intentionally. I wondered if it would make her mother happy, wherever she was, to know that someone was going to protect her daughter. I liked to think, hope that that was the case.
I twisted and weaved through the hordes of people, slowly but surely pulling away from the danger. Finally I had a reason too run fast. Finally, I wasn’t alone anymore. This child was saving me as much as I was saving her. I had someone who depended on me for survival. And I was not going to let her down.

[Monday]

I ran for as long as I possibly could before I began to slow down. The little girl was calm in my arms. The first feeling of real fear that I’d had in a long time started to creep up on me. A normal child wouldn’t be so quiet, especially at this age, would she? Particularly after the hell we had just been through. I looked her over and she seemed to be fine. But, after all, the only knowledge I had of toddlers was from my minimal babysitting experience when I was fifteen.
I took in my surroundings for the first time since we had made it out of the city. Dusk was fast approaching, but I could still see the glow of a city on fire behind me. I shuddered convulsively. Now that I thought about it, I realized what a huge mistake it had been to go there. John had explained to me why we needed to stay out of the city, but I never really liked the idea. Actually, I completely disagreed with it.
When I thought about John, I almost felt the tiniest hint of guilt. In all honesty, I had taken advantage of him. But it was the only way. I had to be sure. ((Man warned them that her family was led to the city, and that probably wouldn’t have survived. Lex didn’t want to believe it, and John was ready to accept their losses and move on, but she fooled him and went in search for herself. Needless to say, she found them dead.))
And I had found out. Oh, God, what I wouldn’t have given to destroy those memories. They replayed in my head over again. Mother, brother, family, reason for existence all gone in the blink of an eye. I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the cold slice of the wind on my damp cheek.
This seemed to wake me from my reverie, however, and I saw for the first time the cold hard facts of my situation. I was responsible for this girl, and that meant all the work that normally accompanied motherhood. Which I knew nothing about. She needed food, shelter, and safety, and one of those I knew was impossible to give her all of the time, or even most of the time. By now, it had to be mid- to late November, and despite the dramatic weather changes that occurred frequently in Texas, nights were consistently getting much colder.
The baby needed warmer clothing then the light sweater and pants she was now wearing. A name, it suddenly dawned on me, was also probably important.
“What could it be? Your name?” I mused to the angel, who looked up at me, but made not a single utterance of sound. I furrowed my brows. “Is it Lisa?” I asked in a serious voice. Then, trying to elicit some kind of reaction, I made a face. “Of course not.” My plan succeeded and I saw the corners of her mouth tilt upwards. “How about…” I blew at my bangs, and she giggled. The sound was like wind chimes and I had the sudden urge to weep at the sure joy of hearing something so pure. Instead, I guessed again, “Tammy.” She frowned, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re right, that is ridiculous.” Then it came to me. My mother had always told me what she would have named her next daughter, had another come around after myself. It was her mother’s name, and I had long entertained the thought of naming my own daughter after my long belated grandmother. Now, I saw it as a proper way of remembering my mother and keeping her dreams, however small, alive.
“Annabel.” She looked at me, tilting her head, as if in question. “Yes,” I smiled, “I think that will suit you quite nicely.”
She smiled pleasantly before resting her head back on my shoulder. What was I going to do with her? I really didn’t think I could last out here by myself, much less while caring for an infant. I needed help. And when I finally realized what I had to do, I knew it was going to be in any way easy. First I had to find John, and then I had to beg him to take me back. And with a kid, no less! I anticipated major groveling in the near future.
“If I was John MacKinneth, where would I be?”
“Probably looking for you.”

[Monday]

I gasped out loud and whirled around to find none other then the man in question. My heart was pounding, and the hand not holding Annabel was resting on my neck. “God, you could give me some warning next time!”
I would say that he was frowning at me, but the expression was a little more intense then that. He was furious; livid. And my immediate response, obviously, was to get on the defense.
“I’m sorry if I’m not quite in the mood to be overly considerate to your feelings, at the moment.” His jaw was set menacingly, and the air was charged with his fury, and my likewise growing anger. “Quick question, Lex. Do you have any idea how much of an idiot you are?”
“I’m really not up for one of your self-riotous lectures right now, OK?” To angry to even look at him, I turned on my heel and started in the other direction.
“You could have gotten hurt, you could have been killed!” he shouted, keeping pace beside me. I pushed harder trying to distance myself from him as much as possible, but he was still taller then me, and therefore walked faster.
“Why the hell do you even care?! That’s just one less responsibility for you, one last burden to carry. I mean, you had already given up on anyone who had ever cared for you, so why would I matter?”
He caught my shoulder and turned me in order to face him. “Don’t ever say that I gave up on my family. I loved them. And I knew that if I was in there position I’d want them to stay as far away from danger as possible. Especially if there was to be no help for me.”
I managed to pull away from his grasp and almost started running away from him. I had it in me to shout back, though, “Well, I’m sorry then, for being so stupid because I wanted to help them. And you were right. Congradulations.” By now my voice was thick with tears, and I had to stop walking because I could no longer see the ground in front of me, my vision was so blurred. “I hope you’re happy, they’re all de-”
My voice broke off, and I would have collapsed had he not been right beside me. He caught me in his arms and hugged me fiercely. And I sobbed on his shoulder. I needed that kind of close comfort even if it was from someone I despised, even on a good day. “I never wanted to be right.” His voice, too, had the strain of strong emotion.
I calmed myself as quickly as possible and felt Annabel squirm in my arms. John pulled me back from him and looked down at her as if there was an alien in my arms instead of a baby.
“What,” he said, pointing at her, “is that?”
“What do you mean, ‘What is that’?” I said in disbelief, “She’s a little girl of course.”
“Well yah,” he said in exasperation, “but why is she with you.”

[Monday]

"Well..." I grasped at something that would make sense to him, and came up short. "She was alone. I had to do something."
He looked very frustrated for a moment, obviously thinking very fiercely if the furrow between his brow was any indication. "You do realize how difficult it's going to be to take care of a child in this kind of a situation?"
"What was I supposed to do, just leave her there defenseless and alone?!" My temper flared up immediately at the mere suggestion. "If you don't want to help, you can just leave." I turned right on my heel, but had only taken about two steps before he seized my elbow.
"I never said I wasn't going to help you!" he said, looking almost hurt at the suggestion. "I'm just worried about the idea of protecting you and a baby in all of this," he said gesturing at the recked terrain around them.
My anger ebbed a little at this, but not by much, "I never said I wanted your help."
He laughed a little at this, giving me an earnest look. "Ah, but the thing is, you do need my help."
My expression upon hearing this was haughty at best.