Exercise #1 (HOC)

[Monday]

OK, so here's the deal. Lately, with Heart of Chaos, I've been trying a different method of writing. Actually, I got the idea from Stephenie Meyer. When she wrote Twilight, she started from chapter 13, wrote out the rest of the book, and then went back and filled in the beginning. Well one night, I decided that I wanted to write a particular scene of HOC, so I did. That kind of exploded into three scenes, each completely separate parts of the story, that I have saved on Microsoft Word. But lately, I'm afraid my computer is knocking on death's door... I had originally just intended to e-mail all of the parts to myself, but as I keep adding more to them on Microsoft Word, it seems pointless to re-send them to myself. So I decided it would best to just keep up with them on the Message Board! lol
So, if you want to read them, you're welcome too, but that's not really what they're intended for. It's more like a safe place to keep my stories. lol. Besides, I'm fairly sure you wouldn't understand the context, even if you did read it.

[Monday]

“OK,” said John, turning to hand Annabel over to me, “I’ll let you hold the sac’-a- potatoes now.” I smiled and gladly took her in my arms. It was true; she had grown so much in the last months. But I would rather have aching arms at the end of the day rather then let her stay away from me for to long of periods. John made me hand her over once in a while to ‘conserve my strength’, he said. It was bull and he knew it just as well as I did. He wanted to hold her, too.
We walked in companionable silence down the moon lit road, a popular theme for us. It would have almost been romantic if it wasn’t John walking beside me… But, at the same time, I was comforted greatly by his presence. I felt safe being near him, especially after these last few weeks. I could actually look at him and consider us friends, now. Except for the occasional moments were I could swear he was trying to drive me insane.
But now was not one of those moments. So I soaked in the serenity of two partners and their charge (though we both considered Annabel much more then that) momentarily at peace in a world of impossible brutality and insurmountable odds.
“Do you know what I’m craving that I haven’t had in months?” I suddenly asked turning toward him. We often talked about what we would be doing if things were normal or what our future plans were. But, more often times then not, our conversations turned to food. Victims of circumstance, that was my excuse. We lacked most of the commodities we had growing up, therefore we craved them.
He conspicuously bent over and sniffed the top of my head. When he leaned back again I could just make out that his nose was crinkled in the dim light. “A hot bath?”
I smacked him companionably on the arm, trying my best not to disturb Annabel. She was awake, though, and seemed to find this all very amusing. She usually did. “You jerk! I was talking about chocolate.”
“Oh?” he said, as if he was still skeptical. I glared at him and locked my lips together. After a silent minute of tension, I finally turned on him. “You really think I smell bad?!” I continued to stare daggers at him, as his usual cocky smirk grew even larger.
“I was completely joking, Lex,” he laughed, “You smell fine.” But my jaw was locked and I waited for his real apology. I knew it wouldn’t be far behind. I really was more hard headed then him.
Still, it kind of caught me of guard when he leaned over as if to hug me and I, too surprised to stop him, didn’t resist. He took a long deliberate breath before exhaling slowly. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest, and my hairs stood on end from the gentle breeze of his breath on the back of my neck. He pulled away just enough to see straight into my eyes, “You smell like the wind and the rain and the grass,” His tone was so serious that I felt as if breathing would disturb the intensity of the moment. “I could never dislike that.”
His nose was less then two inches away from mine, and I was frozen, looking locked in his suddenly powerful gaze. “You have green around the edges of your eyes,” he stated matter-of-factly, “did you know that?”
I blinked and the crazy spell was thankfully removed from us. I moved a step back and after an awkward second or two we continued down the road. The only thing I seemed to find comforting was the fact that he was so obviously uncomfortable as well. I was scowling, trying to figure out exactly what that was, when I caught Annabel’s eye. She giggled softly and the sound had the same healing effect that it usually did. My mood lightened instantly.

[Monday]

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do yah?” I whispered in her ear. “The world nearly comes to an end, civilization as we know it is over, and I manage to find the one man on the face of the planet that I can’t figure out.” I grumbled to myself, to low for anyone but me to hear, “It figures.”
We walked on in silence until we came to a gas station on the side of the road. My first reaction was one of surprise. We chose this road specifically because it was dirt, and out of the way. The idea was that it would be less trafficked, and it was weird seeing a convenient store, however small, on the side of a road that had mostly consisted of woods.
My second reaction was one of wariness. I disliked the idea of going in any place that would draw other people toward it, especially ones that I was unfamiliar with, covered in a cloak of darkness. However, the advantage of resting here for the fast approaching dawn was highly tempting. Annabel would get to sleep on a dry, stable surface instead of the minimal protection against nature that our tent provided.
I glanced at John and his mind seemed to be in the same place mine was. He shrugged his shoulders. “We could use some more supplies. And you could get that candy bar you’ve been craving.” He gave me a half teasing smile and my responding smile was disturbingly automatic.
I looked at Annabel now sound asleep in my arms. “Let’s go get some more food, but we shouldn’t linger for very long.”
He nodded and we silently paced toward the structure. After quickly checking the outside of the building for any signs of other people, we cautiously entered the shady store. John turned on his flashlight, something we hardly ever had to do thanks to our being outside for the most part and to the moons bright gaze.
Besides being covered in a layer of fine dust, the place seemed perfectly in tact. It didn’t seem as if it had been in use for quite a while. Whoever owned this place apparently left long ago, leaving all of their precious commodities, like bottled water and food, behind. I smiled smugly as I reached for a Snickers bar.
There was a flurry of movement all at once. Other people were in the room with us, and I could here someone grunting as if in a struggle. I swirled around in the darkness, clutching Annabel to me, and searched for my only ally’s eyes.
“Don’t move,” said a cool hard voice from behind me; one, I realized as my heart stuttered, that was not John’s. “Or, so help me God, I’ll shoot her.” I felt something hard and metal nudge against the back of my head as if to illustrate this point.
I glanced around, careful to scarcely breathe, until I finally found John. He was staring with intense hate at whoever stood beside me. It was the look on his face that really got to me. I could read the desperation and fear that someone less familiar with him could never spot hidden behind his eyes. I chocked back a sob at that look, and held Annabel to me tighter.
It wasn’t until I looked away from his face that I fully understood the delicacy of the situation. John had his knife pressed against the throat of who, I could only assume, was our assailant’s friend. The man, though only slightly more small then John, stood utterly motionless under his restraining hold. Then again, this could partly be due to the fact that any slight movement on his part could kill the man in a matter of minutes. I would have been more impressed with John had I not felt the cold metal of the gun on my scalp.

[Monday]

"Let her go," John said through gritted teeth. The man behind me just chuckled coldy. "I'm afraid I can't do that just yet. You see, you've got my good friend there in a very compromising postion, and I can't afford to let this very lovely young lady," I shivered at the way he said this, "go just yet."
John didn't seem to like the way he said it either. "If you lay one finger on her, I'll-" His hand tightened ever so slightly around the man he held the knife too. He whimpered under John's grasp.
The gun pressed closer to the back of my head and I couldn't help but shudder noticably. "Ah ah ah. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Not if you want to see her breathing in the near future."
John slackened his hold ever so slightly and the man whimpering beneath him relaxed noticably. "Please," John pleaded, "I'll give you whatever you want. Just don't hurt them."
"How about you let my pal there go, and I'll let the happy family go there way, while we go ours. How's that sound?"
The man was obviously lying. He had no intention what-so-ever to let us all go unharmed. However, John seemed to be playing along.
"Hmmm," he murmered, his brow furrowed, but his eyes still dead locked on our assalant. "How could I be sure of their safety?" His face was unreadable and I had no idea what he was up to.
"How about this? I'll let the lady and her baby go, and the three of us can settle this here like men."
I knew that was a load of bull. They would probably just kill John and then come after Annabel and I. Not that they would be able to find us. Not only was I fast, but I was good at dispapering, too.
So when John pronounced, "Agreed," to the man, all I could do was stare at him in shocked silence. Then the gun that had been trained on me turned to John's direction.
"Lex," John said in a tight voice, "get out of here."
I just looked at him. Was this how he wanted us to part? With me leaving him with a gun pointed at his heart and death lurking right around the corner? "No," I said in consternation. "I won't."
"This is not a request, Alex. Now please leave." The man that held a gun toward the closest thing I had left on this planet to family (besides Annabel), just laughed.
"You can't ask this of me," I whispered, tears filling my eyes.
"Please," he pleaded, glancing at me quickly before turning his attention back to the gun man. "If not for me then for Annabel." His eyes reflected the anguish I felt in mine as he said the words he knew I could not ignore.
I turned on my heel and walked right out the door.

[Monday]

I carried Annabel out of that place as calmly and quietly as I possibly could. But as soon as I was out of sight, I ran around the side of the building, desperately looking for a back entrance to it. I knew I didn't have long before somebody would make a move, and I couldn't think about a world alone with a child depending on me. After finally spotting a door in the back corner, farthest away from the entrance, I reached for the handle, praying it would be unlocked. The door opened silently, and Annabel thankfully remained calm and quiet as I tiptoed into the place. After so many weeks on the run, I was able to sneak around the back room without making a noise. I could just make out faint voices from were I was and knew John was still alive. Besides, there would have been a gunshot fire if anything had happened. I placed Annabel in the darkest corner of the room, and my heart ached instantly. It defied every instinct in me to leave her here alone, but the other option, bringing her in the room with those crazy men, was unfathomable.
"I need you to stay here for a few minutes, baby," I whispered to her looking straight into her eyes and speaking slowly. I prayed she would understand, and not cry out when I left her, giving both of us away.
But before i could move from where I sat squatting in front of her, I heard a fight going on, and a few moments later, a gun being fired. The sound felt like a lightening bolt to my heart, and without really feeling my legs moving, I was racing to the front of the building. When I got to the front I instantly saw two bodies, motionless on the floor, and felt my eyes fill with tears and my legs start to tremble. But before I could completely fall to pieces, I saw the shadow of a man moving toward me in the darkness. I was too utterly frightened to scream and just stood there as he slowly came closer. But when he moved into a sliver of moonlight coming in from a nearby window, I recognized those mysterious gray eyes in less then a second. And it was right then, in a moment that, for all intents and purposes should be horrible, that I finally knew. We both did.
To give us credit, there was nothing we could really do about it. It had been there for weeks, maybe even months and I was just now seeing it for what it really was. In fact, it was probably there when I heard that first smart ass comment come out of his mouth. And it took me (us) all this time to grasp that concept.
That I loved him. And more then that, we were in love with each other.
We just stood there, panting and staring at each other so intensely. We were both so afraid that any movement would destroy the moment and that things would just go back to the way they were before. Each of us yearning for the other but to stubborn and scared to admit it. Scared of our emotions, of all things, even as the world crashed around us. Then again, neither of us had much experience tapping into that part of ourselves, even before the 18th.
But here in this moment, all of our carefully built up walls were knocked down. There really was nothing like a near death experience to help sort out one’s priorities.
I was faintly aware that Annabel was in the other room, sleeping soundly as her two would-be parents stared each other down. Besides John, she was the only thing that really tied me down, kept me from going crazy when I thought about Matty and my mom and the rest of the world. But here, so close to something that I desperately wanted, needed… I could barely ascertain the fact that she was safe before I turned my full attention back to him.
Finally, after several excruciatingly long moments, he took that first indefinite step forward, into the unknown. But that was enough for me. I copied his movement and together we crossed the distance of the room in a thrice. And, just like that, we were together.
Of course I had touched him before. John and I were partners. There was always a hand to reach out to, shoulders to help carry the burden, and a body to cling to during those intensely frightening moments when I was sure the world, at least our little part of it, was going to end.
But this time was different.
It was as if by accepting our feelings for each other, we cleared the way for a whole new reaction to take place. He placed his hands on my skin and I was burning up and ice cold all in the same touch. I shivered from the intense, heady feeling, but craved it all the same.
He held my arms in place, as if he were the only thing keeping me from falling over. And somehow, he was right. I was sure I would float away or melt into a puddle at his feet if it weren’t for his firm, reassuring grasp. My hands reached for his face and pulled it down to mine locking our lips together in a kiss I could feel in my bones and all the way down to my toes.
The universe around us was utter chaos. At this very moment, we could be in grave danger. But somehow it didn’t seem to matter. My own existence was crumbling to peaces, but in the only good way that was possible. I couldn’t think about the rest of the day, what our plan was, were we would go next.
There was only room for one thought, one man, one love. There was no way of escaping, and I welcomed my own personal prison with open arms and an open heart.